so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
