Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
