Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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