you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
