If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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