Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
