Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
