Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
