I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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