You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
