I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize