Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
