part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
