I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dicks are not precious.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
