Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
