my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
