Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
