dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you will always have a special place in my vag
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
