i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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