Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
