Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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