Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
In America we eat man semen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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