just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you had me at cake vodka
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
