marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
