Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
