Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
