Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
