20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
