she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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