Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
