There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize