she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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