You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
