I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
