I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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