I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
