addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Randomize
