yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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