I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
