Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
