its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
