how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
