My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
