So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
