the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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