I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
