at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
