I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
