What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
