last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
