the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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