she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
