I heard we made out
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
