I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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