just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
