It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
