Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
