WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
