what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
