If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
