I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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