A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
