8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Randomize
