I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
