we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
