My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
