He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
