it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We left the knife in your bed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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