chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
