and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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