If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
