I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
