he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
