I puked a lego.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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