If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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