We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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