I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
