I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My bed smells like the plague
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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